Starting Again

I've let this blog go for quite a while, but I think it's time to revive it. This week I discovered a Facebook page for Turners Syndromw girls and women - Help Get Turner Syndrome Recognized - and I'm feeling inspired to try again to connect with the Turner Syndrome community. Looking back, I wish that as I was growing up, I'd known other girls and women with Turners. Women and girls who could assure me that I was not alone, that the future could be bright, that my "differences" did not define me. I wasn't definitively diagnosed as a Turner mosaic until my mid-twenties, so there was a fairly long period of my life where I craved answers. Though I couldn't have said so at the time, that craving for answers led me to study science, and my feeling of isolation led me to express my artistic side in words and music. At this point in my life, I'd really like to pass on the message that Turner girls and women are strong, beautiful and talented. I hope you'll feel free to use this blog as a medium for self-expression in any way you choose.

What Not To Wear

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain

Have you ever watched What Not to Wear? You know, the show where fashion gurus Stacy and Clinton bring some poorly-dressed slob to New York and give them a credit card, a set of fashion rules to shop by and a hair/cosmetic makeover. Some of the transformations are amazing, and the subjects end up feeling one hundred percent better about themselves.

The premise is that no matter your shape or size, you can look good in the right clothes – ‘good’ meaning taller and slimmer, closer to the image pushed at us by the advertising industry. An image most of us can never match. That’s the whole point. As women, so much of our self-esteem is based on appearance, on trying to reach the accepted ideal of what’s “beautiful”. Most of us never stop to think about how transitory that definition is.

In the final semester of my BSc, I needed to find an elective course. I had a choice between metabolic endocrinology and a ‘History of Clothing’ course from the Home Ec department. No-brainer. The clothing course sounded like a refreshing change from my Ag Science program, and it had to be a breeze.

A refreshing change, yes, but easy? No. We wrote a lot of papers which were graded severely, but I loved it, and that course had quite an effect on my self-esteem.

I’m four foot eleven, but I have the bone structure to be about five foot six, like my mother. I started sewing at thirteen because I couldn’t find clothes that fit. Not the best boost for a young girl’s body image. But as I learned about the standards of beauty at different periods in history, I realized that the ideal of my time – tall, thin and blonde – was a recent thing, dating from the nineteen twenties. I wasn’t distressingly stocky, I was Rubenesque. My thick dark hair would have been the envy of any Victorian miss. The day I stood in a one hundred and fifty year old gown and IT FIT (or would have if I’d been wearing a corset) was the day I understood that I was, in fact, beautiful. No one else in the class could come anywhere near that dress.

Now, I’m comfortable enough in my skin to appreciate my body as it is. Yes, I’d like to be a little thinner, and I’m working on it. Most importantly, I want to be healthy. And I want to surround myself with people who appreciate me for who and what I am and don’t measure me by my measurements.

New Year's Musings

I’ve never been one to make New Year’s resolutions. To me, if feels like setting myself up for disappointment, so I set goals instead, and take some time to look back on the year that’s just ended.

I have to say 2010 was a much better year than 2009. I began the year by finally landing a job, which I started on January 4. This term I’m teaching ESL and Grade 10, a nice low-stress combination. My father’s health scare had a positive outcome, there were no crises in Everett’s family, I got one book written and published and am closing in on finishing another. I’m playing guitar again, and making slow but steady progress on getting in shape. Officially, nine pounds and 11.5 inches down since starting at Curves in October. At this rate, meeting my goal of 20 pounds by mid-March seems doable.

Personal goals for 2011: To stay with my exercise and healthy eating program permanently and let my body find its natural weight. To contact friends more often, on and off-line. To persevere with my writing goals, which I discuss on my other blog, A Chat With Jennie Marsland. To remember to be grateful, each and every day, for all the good things in my life. I read somewhere once that if the only prayer a person ever says is ‘thank you’, that can be enough.


How are you seeing the year ahead?

To Begin

When I was young I spoke like a child, I saw with a child's eyes
An open door was to a girl like the stars are to the skies
It's funny how the world lives up to all your expectations
With adventures for the stout of heart, the lure of open spaces

There's two lanes running down this road,whichever side you're on
Accounts for where you want to go and what you're running from
Back when darkness overtook me on a blind man's curve

I relied upon the moon
I relied upon the moon
I relied upon the moon and Saint Christopher

I've paid my dues for I have owed them, and paid a price sometimes
For being such a stubborn woman in these stubborn times
I have run from the arms of lovers, I've run from the eyes of friends
I've run from the hand of kindness, I've run just because I can

But now I'm grown and I speak like a woman and see with a woman's eyes
And an open door is to me now like the saddest of goodbyes
When it's too late for turning back I pray for the heart and the nerve

And I rely upon the moon
I rely upon the moon
I rely upon the moon and Saint Christopher
To be my guide

Mary Chapin Carpenter

For a few days now, I've been mulling over how to begin this blog. I finally chose these lyrics because to me, they express the essence of every woman's journey, the joyful and painful transitions of life. I play this song with my husband and it means a lot to both of us. You can find the original version on YouTube.

The last day of the old year. I've never been one for making resolutions, but I've been thinking for a while about setting up this blog and this seems like a fitting time to begin. I'm relying on the moon and Saint Christopher to guide me here. When it comes to writing I'm a pantser, not a plotter.

Gratitude, first and foremost. I'm blessed to have two parents who have always stood behind me, a loving partner in life, and friends who are companions of the heart as well as of the road. I'm lucky to have good health. My enlarged aorta has been stable for years, I had cataracts removed two years ago, and my hearing loss is solved by hearing aids. I've learned to laugh at short jokes and my absolute lack of a sense of direction, though not at the fact that I can never remember where I put my keys or my glasses. I'm lucky to be old enough to say to heck with what others think, and young enough to appreciate that.

I was twenty-six when I was finally karyotyped and found out I had Turner Syndrome. I remember feeling alone. I hope that other Turner women and girls will find this blog, share their stories and find strength in numbers. Laugh. Be silly. Swear. Cry if you want to.

I don't plan on putting a lot of medical information here, but I'll post links to it on my sidebar and I'll certainly try to find answers to any questions people ask. If anyone wants help deciphering medical terminology, I'll do my best.

Happy New Year, everyone. May 2011 shine a bright light on your journeys.